I have been struck more by the things that are ending. I keep running into "final things": the last newsletter, the last calendar review... soon it will be last Thanksgiving service then last midweek Advent service and sooner or later, last service. I have been surprised by the grief. While I am excited about the new possibility I am moving through lots of little deaths. This congregation was my first call. It was where I was formed as a pastor at least as much as seminary formed me. This congregation is where my family was started. My oldest was six months old when I began. I now have three children, the youngest of which is almost 17 months.
But I reflected on the upcoming readings for the lectionary... Christ the King and Advent... all eschatological readings that put these in a new context for me. I wrote these reflections up as my final newsletter article...
Sisters and Brothers in Christ,
These last few weeks of 2011 are
full of final things for me. They have
come much more quickly than I thought they would have. I continue being surprised with final things
I do as the pastor of this congregation.
Today Barb and I sat down to go over the church calendar for the last
time. Little by little final things will
arise and will be taken care of and then, they will slip out of my hands, no
longer under my control. I currently live in what feels like a divided
existence. I have something new to look
forward to but I must pass through plenty of little deaths in the meantime. The current time has to come to an end before
the new begins.
Much of the grief from the little
deaths of these final things comes from our shared existence. We have much to look back upon and
celebrate. We have lived together and
shared in the God’s mission for over eight years now. It is hard to imagine that not
continuing. Maybe no pastor leaving his
or her first call can ever imagine the end, but instead it must be lived
through. If I had not actually lived
through pastors leaving the congregation to which I belonged, maybe I would
have no hope. The fear of final things
and the little deaths associated with them might keep me from ever leaving a
congregation.
But the liturgical year arises at
the right time to feel my ears with of the truly final things. Here at the end of the liturgical year, with
the new liturgical year about to begin in Advent, I read over and over the
stories of the end God will bring about.
Passages that can be scary and mysterious and so very often
misunderstood abound in this time. We
hear of the Son of Man coming on the clouds at the end. We hear of final judgment and wrath. And while many preachers might harness these
strangeness to motivate using fear, I hear over and over words of hope.
No matter how great a loss of
control we might feel, these passages that deal with the end of the world
continue to proclaim one thing again and again.
We are not in control, but God is.
God has taken a world full of deaths, both great and small and is working
to end it. God has begun this work with
the creation of a covenant people, out of whom came Jesus the Messiah, the one
anointed to save and redeem this fallen world.
Jesus came and fully accepted an end that led to death so that the power
of death might be ended forever. We now
live in that time between the times, when the fallen world and the new world
live in juxtaposition. We continue to
see death and grief around us. Yet we
also see the power of Jesus being made real as people are raised to new lives
through the proclamation of the gospel. We
begin to see the new world through the lens of faith as we step out and trust
the promises that are made to us in the waters of baptism.
The realization that God has
everything under control as this world moves through the deaths around us, is a
help for me in many things. I am able to
stand confidently by a grave and proclaim that this body will rise again even
in the midst of my tears. I can sit with
people who have been given a diagnosis of a terminal illness and still pray for
healing and comfort. Right now, I can
face all of these little deaths, all of these final things in my time as pastor
here, and trust that God will be working through the midst of it all to bring
about something new even now for us all.
Most importantly, I know that this little death, this final leaving is
not the end. One continued image we will
hear again and again through the eschatological passages, these passages
dealing with the end, is the gathering around the throne of all of God’s
faithful people, people washed in the blood of the lamb. Once again, Jesus’ death ends the power of
death so that we might be gathered even after death.
I cannot express in words how much
I will cherish my time here at St. Paul.
It was a definite challenge when I arrived. But even knowing now what I had to go through,
if I could go back, I would still choose to serve this congregation again. St. Paul is a congregation full of special
people in a special town with an incredibly special purpose. I have had a great time serving this
congregation as we worked together proclaiming the good news of Jesus
Christ. I am a better pastor because I
have served here. I continue to trust
God will be with this congregation through all things, because that’s the
promise that we hear again and again in scripture.
Nothing is quite so final as God’s
final things. Thanks be to God.
1 comment:
Brian, very moving.
Thanks for sharing this and giving such a good example of how to leave well. God bless you in your new call, you'll be in my prayers.
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